Dilemma

[dunefan]

Appreciate all the inputs here, I really do. I bared my soul here a bit more than usual, which might come back to bite me later lol. But that's why it's called the Nuthouse. Will come back tomorrow with a full report.

Just kidding. Hope you can make peace with this.

[cincydawg]

Before getting too emotional about a thing, I ask whether it really make a long term difference to me. Often, it really won't.

So, I mostly stay relaxed about various and sundry.

[Syncro]

I though spousal support was largely something that was in the past

It's maybe a bit less common than it used to be, but it's still quite normal.

Generally decided based on one of the partners working their ass off in a 'real job' while the other stays home with the kids and does the domestic work.

I also think the state you are in plays a big role. Most of my experience with people who either pay or receive spousal support are in OR/WA, and the laws here really favor hammering the bread winner (usually the man, but not always)

[3rdgensooner]

I though spousal support was largely something that was in the past

It's maybe a bit less common than it used to be, but it's still quite normal.

Generally decided based on one of the partners working their ass off in a 'real job' while the other stays home with the kids and does the domestic work.

I also think the state you are in plays a big role.  Most of my experience with people who either pay or receive spousal support are in OR/WA, and the laws here really favor hammering the bread winner (usually the man, but not always)

Any guy that's already made it financially needs to have his head examined if he gets married unless he's marrying up.

[lrrps21]

Any guy that's already made it financially needs to have his head examined if he gets married unless he's marrying up.

B I N G O !

[ChinaBuck]

[Bonebuck]

She is playing the hand she was dealt.  She didn't ask for those complications to be brought into her life.  Sure, it might hurt but it is what it is.

I agree HT. Be humble and have both father's walk her down. It was not her fault her birth father divorced her mother. I am also assuming the step father is a good role model and has supported her also.

[ScarletHayes]

She is playing the hand she was dealt.  She didn't ask for those complications to be brought into her life.  Sure, it might hurt but it is what it is.

I agree HT. Be humble and have both father's walk her down. It was not her fault her birth father divorced her mother. I am also assuming the step father is a good role model and has supported her also.

You should read through the thread.  He didnâ€t simply divorce the mother.  She was cheating on him with this dude (step dad).

[dunefan]

I though spousal support was largely something that was in the past

It's maybe a bit less common than it used to be, but it's still quite normal.

Generally decided based on one of the partners working their ass off in a 'real job' while the other stays home with the kids and does the domestic work.

I also think the state you are in plays a big role.  Most of my experience with people who either pay or receive spousal support are in OR/WA, and the laws here really favor hammering the bread winner (usually the man, but not always)

Any guy that's already made it financially needs to have his head examined if he gets married unless he's marrying up.

Yes.

[Blinky]

One of us may need to bail him out. He must have snapped at the wedding.

[cincydawg]

I ended up receiving child support, which fortunately I didn't need. We had the amount cut into a third of the schedule because I thought it excessive and would have placed too much financial hardship on my ex. I put (nearly) all the money into a stock account for the kids with the expectation of using it for their college. I could understand why some men would work off the books for cash in that situation.

An amusing thing happened once, the wife changed her checking account and my checks stopped coming. I mentioned it to her and of course she got very angry so I let it pass. A few days later I got a call from child services saying I was in arrears. I patiently explained to the lady on the phone the unusual situation, and after asking her to read carefully the court order, got her finally to say "Oh", and she hung up. No apology. Whatever.

Well, a few days later a deputy sheriff shows up at the ex's house to take her into custody. Somehow that also was my fault of course, but she did finally pay the court the arrears and the fine, blamed me of course, which I didn't mind, and I got the back due amounts.

The ex by that point was really losing it overall and I had serious thoughts about stopping her visitation privileges, but in fact she rarely used them, she would have the kids one weekend every other week, and often they'd call me to come get them, or they'd have a soccer game etc. I would have to pick them up etc.

Some women have no interest in children except as "props" of some sort, she was one of them. When they turned 18 all the child support stopped anyway, and by then they were pretty much rid of her, she was out of their lives and has been ever since with few exceptions. Fortunately, they are well adjusted now and doing well.

Kids are resilient.

[Hightop77]

She is playing the hand she was dealt.  She didn't ask for those complications to be brought into her life.  Sure, it might hurt but it is what it is.

I agree HT. Be humble and have both father's walk her down. It was not her fault her birth father divorced her mother. I am also assuming the step father is a good role model and has supported her also.

You should read through the thread.  He didnâ€t simply divorce the mother.  She was cheating on him with this dude (step dad).

That is true Scar and obviously the mother was a rat as was the new husband.  Is the daughter responsible for that and do you destroy the relationship with her over it?  I might risk it if it was me but is it still the best course?  Don't know the answer and I assume the daughter doesn't know all the sleazy background.  The big problem is she pulled this on very short notice leaving little time to hash it out.  I would have to assume the mother was involved in the implementation of this plan.  Maybe after it's all over, BD should sit down with daughter and explain why this put him in an uncomfortable situation.  I don't know.

[ScarletHayes]

I agree that the best course was for BD to just grin and bare it.  I also can see how it was a swift kick in the scrotum as well

[Syncro]

Any guy that's already made it financially needs to have his head examined if he gets married unless he's marrying up.

100% agree. The old saying of "if it flies, floats or f*cks, rent it!" is totally true for any guy who didn't get married before he was 30 years old.

In that sense, it's worked well for younger guys (late 30s-40s) who didn't have kids or marry early, and will retire early. They have their choice of the 'single mom' demo, which is huge.

The relationship world has been changing fellas and only gonna get more interesting.

[ScarletHayes]

One of us may need to bail him out. He must have snapped at the wedding.

He either had so much fun that he had a hangover for the ages (he and the step dad ended up at a strip club together), or...   yeah he's in jail.