Dilemma

[Hightop77]

And I agree with those who say the primary person to blame here is my ex. But there's no upper limit of 1 villain per situation, right?

Does it matter at this point?

[Blinky]

And I agree with those who say the primary person to blame here is my ex. But there's no upper limit of 1 villain per situation, right?

Does it matter at this point?

[AlumneyeJ93]

A little story, opposite situation of yours, as I can first hand relate to your diliemma. My wife had her dad and stepdad walk her down the aisle. It was the resolution to being black mailed by her father, piece of crap. He wouldn't help pay for anything and even threatened to not have any of his family attend. During our wedding meeting with them both the piece of crap asked my wife if she was going to wear a white dress at the wedding. Her an I had been living in an apartment together. To this day I have never forgiven that SOB for saying that.
What kind of dad says that to his daughter. I wanted to come across the table and kick his ass for that.

The father was the adulterer and abandoned my wife, her mom and brother. Her step father has been nothing but outstanding and I even work for him to this day. (Son in law job). I think he deserved to be the only one to walk her down the aisle. Initially, she was just going to have her brother do it to avoid the stress and problems but she is the most forgiving person on the planet and went with the two dad system.

Could it be the ex wife is driving this issue and not the daughter?
I hope you can find peace or acceptance with your daughters decision. There could be other factors at play in her head, stress, looking at the future, etc. 29 years later it is still bothers my wife but she forgave and never forgets. The father is still a tool though.

Could it be the ex wife driving this issue and not the daughter? Mothers at wedding time are demanding and pushy.

[lrrps21]

And I agree with those who say the primary person to blame here is my ex. But there's no upper limit of 1 villain per situation, right?

Of course any dude who sleeps with another man's wife is a piece of sh!t. The point is no man can do this without a woman's permission. Women control every aspect of sex from start to finish. It's why I laugh when women say anything about a man and sex. They control the entire process. Always remember as a dude we're just one 'BJ' away from losing our best friend. That's the reality setting in.

Personally, I wouldn't go to the wedding. The ex-wife influenced your daughter more than you could ever do because she was with her full time. Was she cool and never bad mouthed you? Sounds like she was the opposite. Think the piece of sh!t new husband stood up for you? Fat chance. Your daughter already showed you how she feels about you. She's just letting you be part to help her feel better.

You're finding out - if you already haven't figured it out - your place in the pecking order.

Pecking Order:

Mom
Kids
Pets
Bad Boy Boyfriend(s)
Dirt
Ex-Husband

[Syncro]

After a bit more thought, just suck it up and walk her with the step dad.

It's 2 minutes of your lifetime, it's the beginning moments of the rest of her life.

It'll all be over in a flash and you won't ever have to look back and wonder if you made the right decision.

Make sure you've got some good bourbon in a flask and as soon as you get to your seat take a big pull and wash the bad taste out of your mouth.

[ScarletHayes]

Yeah I get what Lrrps is laying down here, but this is a turd sandwich that BD has gotta eat.  Grin and bear it and do what Sync said right afterwards

[Hightop77]

Like I said, you now have a clear picture of your real relationship with her.  As you go forward, act accordingly and stop pretending the relationship is more than what it is.  If it makes you feel better, do things like remove her from your will and the like.  All you can control is you.

[lrrps21]

Yeah I get what Lrrps is laying down here, but this is a turd sandwich that BD has gotta eat.  Grin and bear it and do what Sync said right afterwards

He 'probably should attend the wedding. Beast is the only person who knows what he should do. His posting was a way to both vent and get an understanding from others. I'm the last person who should post on the subject.

[lrrps21]

Like I said, you now have a clear picture of your real relationship with her.  As you go forward, act accordingly and stop pretending the relationship is more than what it is.  If it makes you feel better, do things like remove her from your will and the like.  All you can control is you.

100%

[Hightop77]

Hopefully we won't see a story coming out later today of a wedding in Michigan that turned into a massive brawl.  

[Beastdog]

Appreciate all the inputs here, I really do. I bared my soul here a bit more than usual, which might come back to bite me later lol. But that's why it's called the Nuthouse. Will come back tomorrow with a full report.

[Blinky]

I don't agree that divorced parents can turn kids against each other. I'm sure there are some examples, but most kids have their own relationship with each parent, and are more likely to form a negative opinion of the shittalker than the shittalkee.

[cincydawg]

I imagine it varies all over the map and is situational (duh). My kids are grown of course and have zero contact with their mother, have not heard from her for years.

So many kids are in complex households now, it's not the kind of situation it was when I was a kid where there was stigma.

[Beastdog]

I don't agree that divorced parents can turn kids against each other. I'm sure there are some examples, but most kids have their own relationship with each parent, and are more likely to form a negative opinion of the shittalker than the shittalkee.

You don't understand the "biological" advantage women have in these situations, I see.

[Blinky]

I don't agree that divorced parents can turn kids against each other. I'm sure there are some examples, but most kids have their own relationship with each parent, and are more likely to form a negative opinion of the shittalker than the shittalkee.

You don't understand the "biological" advantage women have in these situations, I see.

Think about it from your perspective. Even if you didn't like your dad all that much, if I came up to you and said "Beast. I met your old man, and that guy is just a complete and total no good worthless piece of crap." Is that going to change the way that you feel about him? Or is that going to change the way that you feel about me? 

The answer is obvious. Your opinion of him would remain unchanged from what it was before, while your opinion of me would be me would be in the toilet.