(06-13-2019, 10:06 PM)K9Buck Wrote: Wow.  I would have loved to have partied with you and your brothers.

Yup. 
Actually itâ€s a good thing I didnâ€t have brothers like that. Stuff wouldâ€ve gotten out of hand really quick. I did enough stupid stuff without any provocation.

When brother went to army basic training he avoided drawing the attention of his drill sergeant at all costs (at the suggestion of oldest brother).  If you are the best, or the worse, and the instuctors learned your name, it never worked out well.  So, brother always made sure he finished in the middle of the pack, or in the middle of timed "events."  The last day of basic they had the final obstacle run, so brother figured it would be ok to do his best.  He actually set the base record for the course. 

He didn't realize how pissed off they would be that this guy who never showed them anything had somehow accomplished such a feat.  They knew he had to have been punking them and called him out of the troops by name.  Drill sergeant asked in a not too kindly way how the Hell he managed to set the course record and sluff off the prior weeks of training.
Well, in his best Eddie Haskell impersonation he said,  "Sir, I understand.  You see I was in really bad shape when I got here.  It was only possible because of the great job you did in getting me in shape." 

It worked, and even got a small grin from the sgt.

(06-14-2019, 01:38 PM)TakeThePoints Wrote: When brother went to army basic training he avoided drawing the attention of his drill sergeant at all costs (at the suggestion of oldest brother).  If you are the best, or the worse, and the instuctors learned your name, it never worked out well.  So, brother always made sure he finished in the middle of the pack, or in the middle of timed "events."  The last day of basic they had the final obstacle run, so brother figured it would be ok to do his best.  He actually set the base record for the course. 

He didn't realize how pissed off they would be that this guy who never showed them anything had somehow accomplished such a feat.  They knew he had to have been punking them and called him out of the troops by name.  Drill sergeant asked in a not too kindly way how the Hell he managed to set the course record and sluff off the prior weeks of training.
Well, in his best Eddie Haskell impersonation he said,  "Sir, I understand.  You see I was in really bad shape when I got here.  It was only possible because of the great job you did in getting me in shape." 

It worked, and even got a small grin from the sgt.

What base was this? Sill? Leonardwood? Dix? Jackson? Knox? Benning?

(06-14-2019, 01:38 PM)TakeThePoints Wrote: When brother went to army basic training he avoided drawing the attention of his drill sergeant at all costs (at the suggestion of oldest brother).  If you are the best, or the worse, and the instuctors learned your name, it never worked out well.  So, brother always made sure he finished in the middle of the pack, or in the middle of timed "events."  The last day of basic they had the final obstacle run, so brother figured it would be ok to do his best.  He actually set the base record for the course. 

He didn't realize how pissed off they would be that this guy who never showed them anything had somehow accomplished such a feat.  They knew he had to have been punking them and called him out of the troops by name.  Drill sergeant asked in a not too kindly way how the Hell he managed to set the course record and sluff off the prior weeks of training.
Well, in his best Eddie Haskell impersonation he said,  "Sir, I understand.  You see I was in really bad shape when I got here.  It was only possible because of the great job you did in getting me in shape." 

It worked, and even got a small grin from the sgt.

That. Is. Brilliant!

There was also the time on a field exercise in Germany that a sergeant made a surprise inspection.  As they presented arms, brother(who was never a hunter or gun enthusiast as I am) opened his bolt and a damn dead grasshopper was in the chamber.  With a flaming red face the sgt. yelled. "And what in the HELL do you call this, private???" 
 Not missing a beat brother said, "I call him Jiminy, sir." 
The sgt just walked away, probably to hide a grin, while his fellow soldiers cringed.

He could get away with stuff like this.  I could never pull it off.

They were having a huge Fourth of July parade while he was stationed in Germany. Brother was in charge with bringing his CO's jeep around to pick him up. Brother was always late, for everything. Well, he was running behind in this event as well and sped to the headquarters which was on a long, steep hill. The parade was assembling at the bottom of the hill. (You know where this is going by now) He hopped out of the jeep and started running to get his CO when he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. He had not put on the emergency brake, and it had popped out of gear. Very slowly picking up speed and it started down the hill. Like a bad dream, brother was almost able to catch the damn thing, but of course he couldn't and could only stand there and wonder at what havoc it would wreck on the poor souls and vehicles below.

As his luck would have it, the jeep crashed full force into the General's vehicle and totally destroyed both. Luckily the general and everyone else had not arrived just yet and no one was injured. It took his CO some real talking to keep him out of hot water on this one.

Not really a funny story, but like I said, never a dull moment.

lrrps21 Wrote:

TakeThePoints Wrote:When brother went to army basic training he avoided drawing the attention of his drill sergeant at all costs (at the suggestion of oldest brother).  If you are the best, or the worse, and the instuctors learned your name, it never worked out well.  So, brother always made sure he finished in the middle of the pack, or in the middle of timed "events."  The last day of basic they had the final obstacle run, so brother figured it would be ok to do his best.  He actually set the base record for the course. 

He didn't realize how pissed off they would be that this guy who never showed them anything had somehow accomplished such a feat.  They knew he had to have been punking them and called him out of the troops by name.  Drill sergeant asked in a not too kindly way how the Hell he managed to set the course record and sluff off the prior weeks of training.
Well, in his best Eddie Haskell impersonation he said,  "Sir, I understand.  You see I was in really bad shape when I got here.  It was only possible because of the great job you did in getting me in shape." 

It worked, and even got a small grin from the sgt.

What base was this? Sill? Leonardwood? Dix? Jackson? Knox? Benning?

Hell, i don't remember.  It was in California, I believe, around 1970.  If I heard the name I would probably remember.

(06-14-2019, 01:59 PM)TakeThePoints Wrote:

lrrps21 Wrote:

TakeThePoints Wrote:When brother went to army basic training he avoided drawing the attention of his drill sergeant at all costs (at the suggestion of oldest brother).  If you are the best, or the worse, and the instuctors learned your name, it never worked out well.  So, brother always made sure he finished in the middle of the pack, or in the middle of timed "events."  The last day of basic they had the final obstacle run, so brother figured it would be ok to do his best.  He actually set the base record for the course. 

He didn't realize how pissed off they would be that this guy who never showed them anything had somehow accomplished such a feat.  They knew he had to have been punking them and called him out of the troops by name.  Drill sergeant asked in a not too kindly way how the Hell he managed to set the course record and sluff off the prior weeks of training.
Well, in his best Eddie Haskell impersonation he said,  "Sir, I understand.  You see I was in really bad shape when I got here.  It was only possible because of the great job you did in getting me in shape." 

It worked, and even got a small grin from the sgt.

What base was this? Sill? Leonardwood? Dix? Jackson? Knox? Benning?

Hell, i don't remember.  It was in California, I believe, around 1970.  If I heard the name I would probably remember.

Probably, Fort Ord.

(06-14-2019, 01:57 PM)TakeThePoints Wrote: They were having a huge Fourth of July parade while he was stationed in Germany.  Brother was in charge with bringing his CO's jeep around to pick him up.  Brother was always late, for everything.  Well, he was running behind in this event as well and sped to the headquarters which was on a long, steep hill. The parade was assembling at the bottom of the hill. (You know where this is going by now) He hopped out of the jeep and started running to get his CO when he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye.  He had not put on the emergency brake, and it had popped out of gear.  Very slowly picking up speed and it started down the hill.  Like a bad dream, brother was almost able to catch the damn thing, but of course he couldn't and could only stand there and wonder at what havoc it would wreck on the poor souls and vehicles below.

As his luck would have it, the jeep crashed full force into the General's vehicle and totally destroyed both.  Luckily the general and everyone else had not arrived just yet and no one was injured.  It took his CO some real talking to keep him out of hot water on this one.

Not really a funny story, but like I said, never a dull moment.

How did the General get to the parade if his vehicle was already there?

I hated parades with all my energy. Waste of time and money.

(06-14-2019, 01:46 PM)TakeThePoints Wrote: There was also the time on a field exercise in Germany that a sergeant made a surprise inspection.  As they presented arms, brother(who was never a hunter or gun enthusiast as I am) opened his bolt and a damn dead grasshopper was in the chamber.  With a flaming red face the sgt. yelled. "And what in the HELL do you call this, private???" 
 Not missing a beat brother said, "I call him Jiminy, sir." 
The sgt just walked away, probably to hide a grin, while his fellow soldiers cringed.

He could get away with stuff like this.  I could never pull it off.

Your brother reminds me of a dude who was a former Marine. We were in ranks when an I.G. asked him why he joined the army. He said: "For a break, sir" I.G. "Break from what, son?" "The Marines, sir" The I.G. looked at his CO. I was laughing inside. I miss him. Great dude. Probably has 12 kids. 11 boys and 1 girl by now. He was well on his way with 5 sons.

(06-14-2019, 01:38 PM)TakeThePoints Wrote: When brother went to army basic training he avoided drawing the attention of his drill sergeant at all costs (at the suggestion of oldest brother).  If you are the best, or the worse, and the instuctors learned your name, it never worked out well.  So, brother always made sure he finished in the middle of the pack, or in the middle of timed "events."  The last day of basic they had the final obstacle run, so brother figured it would be ok to do his best.  He actually set the base record for the course. 

He didn't realize how pissed off they would be that this guy who never showed them anything had somehow accomplished such a feat.  They knew he had to have been punking them and called him out of the troops by name.  Drill sergeant asked in a not too kindly way how the Hell he managed to set the course record and sluff off the prior weeks of training.
Well, in his best Eddie Haskell impersonation he said,  "Sir, I understand.  You see I was in really bad shape when I got here.  It was only possible because of the great job you did in getting me in shape." 

It worked, and even got a small grin from the sgt.

I get why he did that. I was instructed by my recruiter to do the same. I simply couldn't pull it off. I made it to the reception station where we were in the day room sitting on the floor waiting for our orders. Some jacked up D.I. kicked open the door and shouts "Who in this man's army thinks he's 'F'n man enough to kick my ass?" I stood up.    All 167 lbs of me. The dudes from Philly, Detroit, Houston, NYC, L.A., etc., never looked at me in the eyes. They figured I was nuts.

I was the only one to stand up. I figured he wasn't going to do anything so why not stand up. He asked my name and then said: "This is the only MF'n man in the damn room". 

I got to eat first that day. I don't know if this was supposed to be some sort of reward or punishment. That reception station only served fast food.

lrrps21 Wrote:

TakeThePoints Wrote:

lrrps21 Wrote:

TakeThePoints Wrote:When brother went to army basic training he avoided drawing the attention of his drill sergeant at all costs (at the suggestion of oldest brother).  If you are the best, or the worse, and the instuctors learned your name, it never worked out well.  So, brother always made sure he finished in the middle of the pack, or in the middle of timed "events."  The last day of basic they had the final obstacle run, so brother figured it would be ok to do his best.  He actually set the base record for the course. 

He didn't realize how pissed off they would be that this guy who never showed them anything had somehow accomplished such a feat.  They knew he had to have been punking them and called him out of the troops by name.  Drill sergeant asked in a not too kindly way how the Hell he managed to set the course record and sluff off the prior weeks of training.
Well, in his best Eddie Haskell impersonation he said,  "Sir, I understand.  You see I was in really bad shape when I got here.  It was only possible because of the great job you did in getting me in shape." 

It worked, and even got a small grin from the sgt.

What base was this? Sill? Leonardwood? Dix? Jackson? Knox? Benning?

Hell, i don't remember.  It was in California, I believe, around 1970.  If I heard the name I would probably remember.

Probably, Fort Ord.

Yes, that's it.

lrrps21 Wrote:

TakeThePoints Wrote:They were having a huge Fourth of July parade while he was stationed in Germany.  Brother was in charge with bringing his CO's jeep around to pick him up.  Brother was always late, for everything.  Well, he was running behind in this event as well and sped to the headquarters which was on a long, steep hill. The parade was assembling at the bottom of the hill. (You know where this is going by now) He hopped out of the jeep and started running to get his CO when he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye.  He had not put on the emergency brake, and it had popped out of gear.  Very slowly picking up speed and it started down the hill.  Like a bad dream, brother was almost able to catch the damn thing, but of course he couldn't and could only stand there and wonder at what havoc it would wreck on the poor souls and vehicles below.

As his luck would have it, the jeep crashed full force into the General's vehicle and totally destroyed both.  Luckily the general and everyone else had not arrived just yet and no one was injured.  It took his CO some real talking to keep him out of hot water on this one.

Not really a funny story, but like I said, never a dull moment.

How did the General get to the parade if his vehicle was already there?

I hated parades with all my energy. Waste of time and money.

lol.  Trying to poke holes in his story?  I would not know.  If I were to guess, I would say he arrived in that vehicle then got out to mingle.  Or maybe he knew brother was in the area and was hiding out?

I wouldn't believe a lot of his stories either, except I was there to witness enough of them to not disbelieve anything he told me.

(06-14-2019, 03:58 PM)TakeThePoints Wrote:

lrrps21 Wrote:

TakeThePoints Wrote:They were having a huge Fourth of July parade while he was stationed in Germany.  Brother was in charge with bringing his CO's jeep around to pick him up.  Brother was always late, for everything.  Well, he was running behind in this event as well and sped to the headquarters which was on a long, steep hill. The parade was assembling at the bottom of the hill. (You know where this is going by now) He hopped out of the jeep and started running to get his CO when he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye.  He had not put on the emergency brake, and it had popped out of gear.  Very slowly picking up speed and it started down the hill.  Like a bad dream, brother was almost able to catch the damn thing, but of course he couldn't and could only stand there and wonder at what havoc it would wreck on the poor souls and vehicles below.

As his luck would have it, the jeep crashed full force into the General's vehicle and totally destroyed both.  Luckily the general and everyone else had not arrived just yet and no one was injured.  It took his CO some real talking to keep him out of hot water on this one.

Not really a funny story, but like I said, never a dull moment.

How did the General get to the parade if his vehicle was already there?

I hated parades with all my energy. Waste of time and money.

lol.  Trying to poke holes in his story?  I would not know.  If I were to guess, I would say he arrived in that vehicle then got out to mingle.  Or maybe he knew brother was in the area and was hiding out?

Not at all. I know some dudes just like your brother. I was just wondering why the staff vehicle was one place while the staff officer was somewhere else.